“Ego is an imposter, imposing on the real you, making you think you are something that you’re not.” – Oprah
On the bathroom walls of Forward-Fold where I teach and film my online classes, reads: “Your ego is not your amigo.”
I have no idea what student wrote this on the wall as when the studio opened, the owner Matt, allowed peeps to write whatever they wanted. I often use this phrase in class and life. The ego is an imposter and a real son-of- a-bitch. It will haunt us forever so we better teach it its place and build a better relationship with it.
Last week in my classes, the ongoing theme was knowing your WHY.
Why we do what we do? Why do we choose the city we live in? A particular career? Our friends? Our life partners?
It all started with me trying to decide if I wanted to lead a Fall 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training. I kept searching and asking myself why, as this training is a huge task and I just couldn’t come up with enough answers to excite me.
I tend to always need to know the WHY of my choices. At the same time, I was very disappointed in the actions of a friend and I kept asking myself, is this friendship worth fighting for? Why would I choose to fight for this?
Memorial Day weekend 2017, I had the privilege of teaching at lightninginabottle.org
Think Burning Man with fewer drugs and more conscious awareness. I remember, before going, reading a quote about imagination. It was something along the lines of,
“Your imagination is yours and yours alone. With it, you can create your masterpiece or you can create your hell.”
We are all born with so much potential and believe we can create anything but, somewhere along the way, life beats that out of us. Being at Lib was truly like seeing someone’s imagination come to life. The immaculate detail that went into creating this magic world helped uplift people, reignite passion and drive, and pretty much put a smile on everyone’s face. It was truly a Disneyland for adults where you just found your tribe. From spiritual talks to yoga, to house music, to Meditation Lookout Point, to shaman talks, Lib had it all.
Walking around, I just kept thinking about the amount of detail and hard work that went into creating something like this. I became curious about the people who came up with this idea. I have heard that this festival started out several years back with 500 people and now it’s around 20,000!
Think about how many times people must have told the creators that they were crazy for attempting this. That they were wasting their time and money. Yet their drive and dream took priority over their fears and they conquered.
We can all choose to starve our fears and feed our dreams. We can all choose to create a masterpiece with our imagination. But imagination is nothing without drive. It is nothing without action. So get going. Life waits for no one.
Will you choose to feed your dreams or your fears? Let me know in the comments!
On my flight back from Norway, I watched Doctor Strange for the third time. Every time I watch this film, something new sticks out for me.
Mordo: “I wanted the power to defeat my enemies and you gave me the power to defeat my demons.”
The Ancient One: “We never lose our demons, Mordo. We only learn to live above them.”
(Doctor Strange. Dir. Scott Derrickson. Marvel Studios, 2016. Film.)
For those of you who don’t know my story, watch “Not So Namaste” on my site and you will get a glimpse into my upbringing. I have a lot of demons and I would be foolish to think they will simply go away, but I will be damned if I allow them to run my life. As I’ve started my journey with plant medicine, and combine that with my ongoing yoga practice, I feel like I have enough tools to battle them.
The biggest tool is awareness. Awareness gives me the ability to pause and reflect instead of going straight to reacting. It gives me the gift to live out of intent more and more, and not simply out of habit. I am able to notice when I’m anxious and in my head, and to choose my breath.
This gives me the power to choose, the power to trust my path instead of my fears, the power to choose me.
The longer we live, the more we realize life is not simply black and white. We collect a lot of baggage along the way but the power to choose yourself over your demons is always there.
Identify your demons. Get to know them. Give them a good kick in the ass and send them on their merry way.
Choose YOU instead. Over and over, rise up above your demons and choose you.
Believe you’re worth it.
Yin allows my Vinyasa practice to be this beautiful fluid moving meditation because my body structure feels stronger and more supported on a foundational level.
Yin has allowed me more freedom in the body by gaining mobility and therefore has removed some of the fights I was putting up before due to the tight muscles and lack of awareness to my approach.
Holding Yin postures for so long has helped my proprioception of the bigger body structure.
Yoga has so many different limbs and approaches to the practice and in the United States, the physical vinyasa practice definitely dominates. Although there is nothing wrong with that, you still need a well-rounded approach if you want to give your body longevity.
This is also where I see so many unnecessary injuries as the body is not being supported on a structural foundational level. What I’m talking about here are the connective tissues, joints, tendons. This is where most injuries occur; shoulders, wrists, ankles, and spine. These are all joints and connective tissues. It’s pretty easy in a public class to move through a fast pace Yang practice without alignment and a good understanding of how these poses affect the body.
In martial artists, many exercises focus on stressing the joints and bones in a similar style to Yin. When I started training with the Olympic Team in Romania, mobility training took place before strength. This not only helps to prevent injuries later on but should they occur, the body heals much faster.
Personally, Yin helps me to go from 100 to zero pretty quickly. It calms me down by stimulating by the parasympathetic system so I can relax. For a type A personality like myself, it is very hard to sit still, let alone relax into the moment. It changes my perception when I’m dealing with a frustrating issue by slowing down my thoughts. This allows me to go in the space between my thoughts where I am the observer. In this space, I can remember to respond instead of reacting. To be more receptive and be willing to receive instead of putting up a fight. To process life as it is and to realize there is beauty in accepting what is. It also helps me notice how easy it is to steal my peace when I’m dealing with a tough pose and how quickly I want to react and get out of an uncomfortable moment.
How often do we have the same reaction to life? In this sense, this has been the best and most honest life training I could receive. An honest look at my somewhat ridiculous thoughts, fears and patterns of behavior that hinder and stop me from reaching my limitless potential. An opportunity to see what part I play in all of this and take responsibility. A change to embrace all of me so that I may grow and put all my effort towards what I’m doing rather than working against myself as I often do.
So much of my identity is wrapped up in a handstand and I receive so much joy, peace, and calmness from that pose so of course I love teaching and sharing the process with my students. However, I always say that I feel most at service teaching Yin. I see students often come in still on a work call. Some of their facial expression gives away their mood. Living in Los Angeles and dealing with a tough, fast-paced, expensive city a lot of us are stressed and overworked.
To see how their face, body and energy changes in that hour is pure magic and a sacred gift for me to experience.
If you know anything about my past, you know it was turbulent and my adoptive father often reminded me that I should be in a mental hospital but my passion has always saved me. I am passionate about sharing the practice of Yin especially to type A yogis.
It is my biggest wish for myself to be at peace and it is a privilege if I can assist someone else to find a bit of peace through the practice of Yin.
What does Yin Yoga mean to you? Let me know in the comments!