September 26, 2018


I’ve been thinking a lot about life and destiny lately. Thoughts like, “How much of our path is already determined for us at or before birth? In the end, how do our choices impact and determine the course of our lives?”
Funny enough, all of this started with a conversation I was recently having with my 3-year-old niece, Stella. She’s about the only little human who can wake me up in the morning before I’ve had my espresso and make me read a book called “Where’s Eleven?” By our third time reading it, she had other questions. 

Stella: Are you a grown up?
Me: No.
Stella: But look how you big you are and how little I am.
Me: I’m a very big kid.
Stella: But do you make your own food? My mommy and daddy make my food.

Me: No.
Stella: Who makes your food?
Me: Uncle Sal and Whole Foods.
Stella: Do you have a baby in your belly?
Me: No.

I love my nieces and nephews in ways I didn’t think possible, but I chose not to have children. Talking to such a little human whose life is pretty much a blank slate kept making me think about mine. What’s the next step in my life and career? Do I take the road less traveled and follow my intuition or do I play it safe and continue on the path that seems to be working? “What’s the calculated risk?” is a question I keep asking myself

I trained in gymnastics at a high Jr. Olympic Elite level and my path should have been the Olympics. I gave up my childhood, my family, and endured both physical and mental abuse for this dream—but life had other plans for me. The knowledge I gained during this dark time taught me empathy and compassion. But gymnastics ultimately led to my career in yoga and the inner awareness that a 500-hour certification never could have. Through being of service to others, I continue to heal myself and also see where I still need to do my own work. Funny enough, this is a story I never imagined sharing when I started yoga. In fact, I didn’t want anyone to even know about it.

I remember a yoga teacher came to my class here in Los Angeles and proceeded to tell another teacher that I darkened her aura. I thought to myself, wow, the power I must have in order to darken another’s aura! If I’m so damn powerful, why can’t I figure out how to afford a house? My energy since then must have shifted because I’m finding myself often holding space for others to share their life story, dreams, and fears.

What I’m learning is that a lot of us share similar stories, not always realizing that it’s that same dark time in our lives that end up helping us stand in our power. That at times ends up giving us our careers, our strength, a way to heal and illuminate the path for others.

Lately, I seem to have more questions than answers, but what I am certain of is that the struggle is part of the story. We will never understand all that happens in our lives, but I do believe things happen for a reason. In what we consider to be our darkest times, there’s usually a seed of light being planted. When that seed comes to fruition, give yourself time to grow into your purpose, your gift. Allow that gift to develop. Be patient with your own healing.
I truly believe we are put on this earth to help one another. That our purpose is much bigger than the latest iPhone, the status quo. It’s time to learn and acknowledge yourself.

Are you ready for the challenge?

– Ella


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